Tuesday, December 1, 2015

I want to go to the river

I seem to always be in this constant struggle to stay on my path. This time I feel I've wondered off and have no idea how to get back. Even my muse has left me stranded. I haven't painted in three months. However I have mustard some inspiration to draw. Drawing has always been a practice that allows for more discipline. It's not the same as painting. It's not hmmm... I know... It's magical. However somehow using the word magic implies that it's an illusion of something not real. I'll perhaps call what happens when the brush meets the canvas supernatural. The process is definitely a very spiritual journey that I enjoy so much so that I'm often a little sad when it's over.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Autumn Harvest soup



I made some Autumn Harvest soup. Sweet potatoes, carrots, barley, white, bean, kale, bell peppers, chorizo, curry, coconut milk cilantro and spices.

1 lb of chorizo peel casing off. (Choose whatever meat or no meat you like)
2 large sweet potatoes
1 small frozen bag of carrots
1 16ozmedium bag of frozen mixed bell peppers
1 can of white beans
1 Box of chicken broth.
1 16oz box of barley.
3 cloves of garlic
1/2 yellow onion
1 can of coconut milk
Cilantro for finishing

All spices are estimates because I don't measure lol.
tsp. Sweet paprika
tsp. Turmeric
tsp. Moroccan spice
tsp. Nutmeg
tsp. Curry powder
tsp. Crush red pepper flakes.
Sea salt to taste

Heat on medium high, large heavy bottom pot (I used a cast iron Dutch oven) with olive oil.
Chop sweet potatoes into 1 inch chunks and add to pot.

Also add chopped yellow onion, diced garlic, bell peppers. Sauté until frozen peppers are soft.
Add chorizo and spices. Stir good, reduce heat to medium and let cook for about 4-5 minutes.

Add white beans, barley and broth. Stir well let cook for about 3 minutes.
On medium low heat add coconut milk and kale cover and let cook until kale is soften then turn heat off. Taste and adjust spices if necessary.
Plate or bowl and add cilantro and enjoy!

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

NAIROBI

Things have been good. The new space is working out wonderfully. I have done a second paint and sip and I have another one booked for this Saturday. 
Periscope has been awesone for exposure and new collectors.  I've even figured out how I can monetize off periscope. Through private scopes. $$$$
Cashflow is and ideas are slowly starting to stream in steadily. Also I completed two new paintings. 
However I only have a picture of one at the time of this post.
Nairobi 18x24 mixed media collage and oil and liquid gold leaf. Hopefully I will have time before work to take a proper photo tomorrow. 
Below are some shots of her while in stages and the studio.

Sunday, August 2, 2015

First paint and sip was a success!

The ArtLush was a huge success!  Everyone really had a good time and did a great job on their paintings! We had wine, appetizers, other beverages and art jammed. Some even got creative and branched out a bit on their own. I'm so happy I did this move! God is so good. Increase increase increase!
Book your paint night at mkt.com/theartlush come out to the grand opening Saturday August 8th and see what we are all about. 

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Monday, July 27, 2015

Making a dream a reality

So I'm almost in my new space and it's looking good. However I swear this process is work. Whew challenges have come almost immediately. Between unforseen expenses to being accidentally locked out and waisting day and a half of valuable time. I will not be discouraged it's all apart of the journey. I've heard so many entrepreneurs who have testimonies of struggles before giving birth to beautiful purpose. The only thing it looks like I may have to do is push my grand opening back to August 8th. To make sure my guest have enough notice and that I can have refreshments just for that event aside from paint parties.
Anyway here are some progress shots.

Friday, July 24, 2015

Day 30 of 30 days with God

Today maybe the end of this journey but it's definitely the beginning of the next chapter of my life. My destiny is waiting for me. I love God and I love life.
I thought if I waited until the end of the day I would have some deep philosophical post to write. However I don't.  I'm just thankful for this journey it was at times painful, insightful, peaceful, uncomfortable, comforting, and it definitely stretched me and strengthened me. I feel like I am more bold about professing my love for God. I just want to live my purpose and help and encourage others to do the same as well through Christ Jesus.
Peace and Grace.

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Day 29 of 30 Days with God

#SANDRABLAND #SANDRABLAND #SANDRABLAND #SANDRABLAND #SANDRABLAND #SANDRABLAND #SANDRABLAND #SANDRABLAND #SANDRABLAND #SANDRABLAND #SANDRABLAND #SANDRABLAND #SANDRABLAND #SANDRABLAND #SANDRABLAND #SANDRABLAND #SANDRABLAND #SANDRABLAND

Dear heavenly Father please let your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
I pray now for her family. God you are peace, your a comforter send your spirit to be in the presence of her family. Father expose the darkness and let the truth prevail. Lord let there be justice in the earth for Sandra Bland.
Heavenly Father I pray against the hardening of our nation's hearts not just those who are wrongful treated but for those who are in different to these injustices.  I pray that the love of your son Jesus Christ of Nazareth permeates their hearts. I pray this in his wonderful and holy name Jesus.  Amen

Day 28 of 30 Days With God

This has truly been a life altering journey. I'm so excited to see what God's going to do in these next few months. Although I'm looking forward to the campaign launch of my next journey, I'm a bit nervous about re-activating certain profiles. I think the best thing for me will be to use those platforms through the web browser. Nearing the end of 30 days with God I would have never thought a year ago this is where I'd be. Normally I'd say I would not have changed a thing but that's not all together true. However to God be all the glory! Even when I had forsaken him he didn't turn around and do the same. Instead he forgave me and loved me through my mess and allowed me to be made whole again.

I am so grateful. I wish I could say I felt completely confident in myself but I am fully confident n the God I serve because he is faithful.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Day 27 of 30 days with God

Every single message that has come down my lane in the last week has been about faith and fear. Even if you are not quite all the the way fearless "do it afraid" - Julian B. Kiganda. Not only just faith and fear but the uniqueness of me and the gifts God has given me. I want whatever I do to truly reflect him. I want to use my gifts to love, encourage, build up, and inspire anyone who comes across my path whether face to face or online. Lords knows I don't want to go before Him and not have answer for how I used my gifts. After all they are not just for us alone to enjoy and benefit from but to glorify Him and bless others. Oh the happiness and fulfillment that gives us!!!

I remember watching a movie based on a true story of a young college kid who went on this lone journey to find happiness. He left his family and never even called them the entire time he was gone. He thought he could just live off the land and the generosity of others although he had no experience with hunting, camping, canoeing, etc etc. He kept a very detailed journal about his experience but unfortunately he got lost in the wilderness couldn't find adequate food and possibly even ate some poisonous berries. His last journal entry he wrote before dying he realized happiness is best when shared with others. There was a lot more to the story as far as him being prideful, bitter root judgement towards his parents, and the dysfunction of the home he grew up in. But this is not that. 
So he had a family that loved him but they weren't perfect, he met people on his journey who also came to love him yet it took him dying alone in the wilderness of starvation and poison to realize what was important.

I know when this 30 day journey is complete it will never be over. Everything I do from this moment forward is all about using my gifts for His Glory. My testimony, my gifts, the platforms in which I showcase my talents, behind the chair, in my home and in the street I have to always love because God Is Love and He is in me so I am Love. Even when correcting and encouraging others to repent and surrender to His will for their life I will do it in love. 

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Day 26 of 30 Days with God

I feel like this journey has allowed some things gestating inside of me to finally start growing to full term. I feel like I'm about to burst any day now.

Some days I'm at the edge of my seat having an outer body experience watching my own life play out on the big screen.  I know I'm about to be amazed at what God's about to do and the oil will run down and bless so many people.

The P.U.S.H. is happening and the labor has begun. Just wait and see....

Day 25 of 30 days with God

http://bible.com/97/1jn.4.7-19.msg God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we’re free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ’s. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love. We, though, are going to love—love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first.

I feel so wrapped up in his bosom. I want everyone I know to have this feeling. He will give you perfect peace. Water works have been on full blast when I think about how faithful God is.

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Day 24 Of 30 Days With God

Today was pretty good. I went to work and did a new client who got a weave installation. She felt so blessed to be in my suite. She said it wasn't nothing but God that she happened to walk by and see me while she was looking for a new hair stylist. She shared her testimony and I shared mines. Whew we had church up in that room. Do you hear me! Then someone walked a new client down to see me and she set up an appointment. Another stylist gave me a walk in who wanted a weave but my price was too high so she left. But wow God is so good. He truly is my source.
I Love God.!!!
Tomorrow my church is having a cookout but it's going to be 96° plus humidity. Tomorrow is also the day I was invited to participate in a Periscope challenge from an online friend. But Periscope is still a social media platform. I really wanted to wait until Friday since that's my 30th day. Ughhhhh decisions decisions.  

Day 23 of 30 Days With God

Seems like the closer I get to finishing what I started the more suffocated I'm starting to feel.  BUT I WON'T GO BACK CAN'T GO BACK TO THE WAY THINGS USED TO BE BEFORE HIS PRESENCE CAME AND CHANGED ME!

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Day 22 of 30 Days With God

I'm not sure what's going on but today I had to really try to encourage myself. Heck I even read my last few post to myself out loud. The space I wanted to move into someone else apparently beat me to it.
Perhaps something better is coming. I don't know but I have to just keep swimming. My vision board has me inspired so I will not be discouraged.
Excellent read available on Amazon and she is a wonderful friend of mine.

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Day 21 of 30 Days With God

So after day 20's post I realized my focus had shifted. So I am putting my eyes back were they belong.  I went to my bible and looked up scriptures about faith. After all He is the one leading and guiding me along this path. 

Matthew 14:31 Illustrates the importance of keeping our minds focused on the Lord. When we allow the distractions of our circumstances or conditions to sway us we begin to falter. Like Peter did when he allowed the storm to distract him and took his eye off Jesus. Peter paid more attention to the storm and began to sink. We must keep our eyes on Him no matter how bad or even good things may seem.
The good thing is he knew to call out to God when he saw himself sinking and he trusted Him to save him. 

So this had me thinking about how I got so caught up in how I am going to make this happen. I was starting to rely on my own human capabilities. I started thinking about breaking my fast and doing a big mass social media marketing promotion. (always trying take matters into my own hands).

So I readjusted my thinking. Jesus said we are to have faith that moves mountains. We are to pray and not doubt. After all genuine faith bears fruit for God's Kingdom. Matthew 21:21

So anyway after listening to a podcast today I was inspired to go ahead and create my vision board. 


Day 20 of 30 days with God

So as I am starting to come up on the finish line of this journey. I'm getting excited, anxious and even a bit impatient about my new venture.
Why? Well for starters staying encouraged... when looking at this from a human rational point of view it does not make sense. However neither does running standing in place on a hamster wheel. Yet that's exactly what I'd be doing if I don't at least try.
The other thing is asking for help. Look I still have issues that God will continue to work with me on. But pride and rejection don't just go away over overnight. So asking for help when it's pretty obvious that I need it I sometimes take very personal. 
Last but not least... I am actually going to finish something I started! Yay! This journey of 30 Days With God has 10 days left. I plan to complete it. However is it lack of faith that has me feeling like I need to promote now? My heart says keep going don't promote just wait, no social media networking yet. I need the grand opening to be a hit. I need to start seeing the dates booked. God I need a miracle.
I just have to believe his track record. Goes off to play Tye Tribbett I He Did It Before

Monday, July 13, 2015

Day 19 of 30 Days With God

Today I did research on the total cost to get this business up and fully functional by August 1. It was not unreasonable but it will definitely take a miracle. When I say it's the perfect platform for God to show up and show off.
I'm not discouraged but I am sleepy. I also have to get up early to go walking with my mommy. So this blog is not going to be deep.
Just know I'm encouraged just sleepy.  Grace and peace.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Day 17 & 18 of 30 Days With God

Oh wow I got so caught up in starting another business and setting the online part of it I forgot to post yesterdays blog. So today is a combination.

On the last entry I was giving you all the back drop of how I ended up here. I left off with Fear Faith and Wisdom.

FEAR
Did you know that the bible teaches on fear in only two contexts? One being good and the other bad. The good fear the bible teaches us about is fear in the Lord. Jehovah God is God of the universe. He is the Alpha and Omega. Fear in this case is more like reverence and respect for God's great and mighty power. Understanding that will give you perfect peace, comfort and joy as one of his children. The bible also teaches us that not having this healthy fear or reverence for the Lord could mean being on the receiving end of his wrath and anger as well. The same way it should be for children and their natural fathers. Proverbs 10:27-29

Now the bad fear the bible teaches about is the spirit of fear. This does not come from God. 2 Timothy 1:7 The spirit of fear paralyzes us. It will cause one to doubt, feel rejected, and ultimately cause us to not walk in our God ordained purpose. It's a tool the enemy uses to keeps us from from walking out our purpose which in turn stops us from being effective in the earth realm.

To overcome this kind of spirit we must learn to trust and love God completely. We must meditate on his word day and night. We must watch what we feed our souls, watch even how we speak over ourselves. We must bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. God gives us weapons far better than those of the world. Prayer, faith, hope, love, His Word the Bible and the Holy Spirit. 2 Corinthians 10:3-6

Now for the last few months I've had a burden for a space that was big enough to operate as a single chair salon and a art space not just for myself but for others. I say burden because it's not a day or moment that goes by and I'm not thinking about it. The burden grows stronger and stronger. So did the fear until I started on this journey and applying the principles I mentioned above.

FAITH
In Matthew 17:14-21 Jesus was frustrated with his disciples because of their lack of faith when trying to drive out a demon from a young boy. Yet he still encouraged them that even the faith of a mustard seed can move a mountain. If we turn our eyes to God even in prayer and fasting and trust and have faith in Him and not our own abilities we can produce powerful results through Him.

As I look back over my life I truly see how God has kept me. I can think of times when I'd worry about how something was going to get done and week after week, after week, after week, it got done. Now I laugh when I catch myself worrying because he has never forsaken me. NOT ONCE!
Now don't get me wrong I've put myself in some difficult situations and suffered consequences of those bad choices but he kept me.
Saying all that to say whenever I feel a bit of worry trying to sneak in I just look at God's track record. I also carry on as though I believe as well. So I'm finally moving into my new space and believing not doubting it will work.

WISDOM

Wisdom is understanding that trying to expand or start a new business with no money definitely requires faith AND wisdom. Knowing my habits and being completely honest with myself and my capabilities. This is a risky move but quite honestly so was leaving Illusions, leaving C&K and so many other choices I've made. They all worked out for the most part. It was when I wasn't being obedient to God's word and will that I found myself in difficult situations. Like taking care of grown men even when I knew deep inside it was wrong because I was seeking love and satisfaction in the wrong places. Matthew 7:6 Or trying to keep up with the Jones as far as material things etc etc.

This platform will allow for a great place to impact people I may not have had the chance to do so before. It's a positive way through art, healing and love to share Gods word. However to whom much is given much is required. I can't afford to be lazy with so much that is entrusted to me.

and so it begins....

Friday, July 10, 2015

Day 16 of 30 Days With God

Fear Faith and Wisdom.

As I mentioned before I felt like the second half of this journey was about purpose. 

Well for almost four years I have had the vision of my own space where I can work as a stylist and artist but also have enough space to host small gatherings.

Initially when I set out to do it I would have been dishonorable by leaving debt and burning bridges. I remember hearing a conversation that I wasn't even supposed to have heard under normal circumstances but God made those words she uttered very audible for me.

"When it's meant to be you won't have to do the wrong things trying to make it fit or work"
It was as if she knew my heart... Only God can see my heart so I said okay God I hear you.

So I surrendered and sought after God at the same time. I still left the salon I had been working at for 10 years to get some place quite. I went to a day spa and stayed there for a little over 1 year. There I was able to seek him without distractions and grow under great leadership at Rehoboth in VA. 
Then I sought out a place to build clientele in VA which sent me right back to Bowie around the corner literally from where I was currently working.
Still keeping the vision for my own space I end up where I am now. However I wanted to expand almost immediately.  But it just wasn't time.
Here it is over 1 year later and the space I originally wanted is now available right beside me. The very first room I did a custom mural in.


Here is where Fear Faith and Wisdom come into play. 

I will continue this on day 17 so this won't be like book post lol.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Day 15 of 30 Days With God

Officially halfway through! Each day I grow stronger, I'm more clear headed, I draw closer. I am even more bold! Yassss! I love God!

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Day14 of 30 Days With God

Gym life...

Today I ran on the treadmill I almost did 30 minutes non stop. I got so amped up while listening to Gymstones For Life  he is a Christian rapper that goes in. No where near corny like some I've heard. I mean even guys I know who love hard core rap are feeling this dude.

So after much thought and consideration I think I want to move to a larger suite in the Phenix Salon Suites.
I'm also booked for my first mobile paint and sip art party. I'm so excited!

I feel like it's all coming into focus. The distractions are like a bright sunny day. Everyone is busy being busy. But a storm will make you get somewhere, be still, be quite and listen.

There will be many storms in life. Some will even be tragic. It will seem like complete chaos in some cases. But we have to get quite and listen.

Psalm 46 tells us God is always there providing refuge, peace, security and ultimately victory.

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Day 13 of 30 Days With God

I'm almost at the half way mark of this 30 day journey! This week I feel as though I need to start focusing on some short term goals towards starting a new business 
Now as far as physical goals so far I've lost 5.4 pounds.  My goal is 8-10 pounds a month.



Monday, July 6, 2015

Day 12 of 30 Days With God

So a feeling of anxiety was trying to come over me so I had to get out of the house.
It's 5:56 pm I ended up at regal cinemas. 

First time I've been to the movies alone in a long time. You get so used to doing things with someone that initially you resent doing those things alone again.

I am having to fall back in love with being alone. Also remembering that I used to enjoy doing things I alone. Like movies, lunch, bookstores, cooking and going for a ride. Don't get me wrong those things are equally as wonderful with someone whose company I enjoy.
However I'm understanding the importance of being hidden in God. At first I didn't want to go back to hanging out alone because I felt as though I had failed.
That was just the enemy talking trash in my ear. Each moment alone is a wonderful opportunity to not only love on myself but to allow God to love on me as well.

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Day 11 of 30 Days With God

I'm still amazed at how each day that I seek God's face he always has some good food for me to chew on.

It's like he is filling in all the cracks and holes in me. Making me whole again.

Today I realized that although each day is better than day 1 there is still lots of work to do.
I'm still sometimes feel angry with Jay. I still sometimes think and want to say hurtful and mean stuff. Hurt people really do hurt people. UNTIL THEY HAVE HEALED.
I just stop and pray and ask God to empty me of anything that does not glorify Him.

God's word talks about meditating on holy and righteous things. So I shift my thinking to Him when I'm drifting into a dark place.

Back in the gym tomorrow. I pray that gets easier because right now I struggle through that hour. Lol
I have to remember to weigh myself while I'm in the locker room.

Saturday, July 4, 2015

Day 10 of 30 Days With God

Today was a good day. Nothing extraordinary but just a good day. I did a little bit of work, got inspired to work on my new business, hung with my brother from another mother. I even saw a few fireworks. 

God is GOOD! 

Friday, July 3, 2015

Day 9 of 30 Days With God

Independence Day Eve with no solid plans for tomorrow as of now and no social media to find any.
The 4th last year was spent with him. Today at work was slow. I got off extra early. Too much time to think. It's 9:30pm which is still early for me. However I'm holding up. God is good. He is my strength, my peace and my comforter. I will get through tonight and tomorrow. 

It's not the end of the world all is far from lost. I'm not mad at anyone. It's all good I've made some bad choices but I'm forgiven and my friendship is still in tack just with some much needed distance. 
I have the most important things to me in my life. My family, friends, love ones, health. My relationship with God.  I have a place to lay my head and I have my gifts and talents. 

I am so rich. This little heartache will heal. God is my redeemer and he heals broken hearts. He never forsakes us. 😍

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Day 8 of 30 Days With God

Today wasn't a good day. I woke up very melancholy. I really wanted to sleep in but I had to go to work. I finished my clients and went to the gym and did 30 minutes instead of my usual hour. All day I kept finding myself dwelling on whether or not he missed me or wanted to call me. I found myself wondering if any of it was genuinely real. I couldn't focus on my work out plus I was so tired from working. I went to the relaxation room and got a hydro massage and while I was enjoying that I prayed. Then my Father gave me peace.

I didn't call him or text him, I didn't run to food, but I did come home cry and watch an awesome message about in the meantime by Andy Stanley until I fell asleep.

Although I miss my friends and posting my art. I feel so much more clear headed. So much is going on in the news that will have you either distracted or finding yourself feeling angry. It does feel good to unplug but it also makes me realize its a false sense of connection. As much as I enjoy some time alone I can't stay that way for too long so thankfully work, church, and my kids have been keeping me moving. Surprisingly I have't been as prolific with my art. I pray that changes in this journey.

Anyway today's mood surprised me I really thought I was over the crying about him but apparently not. Can't wait to see what the next 7 days brings about.

Today's word is from Philippians 4:4-9

4-5 Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you’re on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute!
6-7 Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
8-9 Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.
If this wasn't the best Godly advice I don't know how but its always perfect for the current moment.

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Day 7 of 30 Days With God

Today was a good day. My client got more than what I expected her to get done and she paid cash and it didn't set me behind. Did I mention she paid cash?

Anyway today is day 5 of working out. I've been to my gym more times this week than I've been the whole 3 years I've had this membership. An hour of non stop cardio and dubstep or Christian rap.
I went to my small group womans meeting and was blessed. We went over our spiritual shape assessment test and gave feedback. But what truly blessed me was the message on Destiny by Dr Tony Evans.

Understanding that each one of us were uniquely designed for a purpose and that in God's eyes we are all one of his masterpieces. God was very intentional with each and every one of us. All the way down to our finger prints. He created every single person with specific functions for his kingdom. I mean how cool is that?! To be designed as a one of a kind.
It's like when you have a high end designer design a red carpet dress or suit that came out of the House of Dior or House of Chanel or House of Gucci. That's specifically designed just for you and no other celebrity will have it. These couture outfits cost thousands of dollars.

However God's designer masterpieces aren't just for show. They have a purpose and a destiny. One that can impact so many lives. I mean when you think about it.... WOW WHAT AN HONOR!

Can you imagine being 41 and finally starting to see myself the way God's see me. I let that sink in while I was driving home and I began to cry so deeply. I have been searching all this time for what He had already giving me at birth and it cost me nothing.

Day 6 of 30 Days With God

Late last night and all of today was a cry fest at random times throughout the day. But amazingly I'm not feeling hopeless about love. In fact I'm feeling quite the opposite. Don't get me wrong I'm not over him, far from it. However with each passing day that I'm allowing God to change me. I see how out of order it all was. I'm also slowly accepting the reality that most likely we will not end up being what I hoped we would become. Each day I make it I am slowly not focusing on day 31 so I can call him. 

I think I'm learning to look at life with a God way of thinking.

 After studying Ephesians 4:17-32 I see and understand why there are certain areas where I still keep tripping up. I realize I had not fully surrendered every aspect of my life to God. I only gave him access to areas I didn't mind bending in. 
I have a these two girlfriends who shoot straight from the hip, These ladies know how to give you a real dose of the truth. The funny thing is I know they are honest and love me very much but when I'm determined to do things Antwanyce's way I don't tell them anything. I want to run off and hang with Mr. Light Skin as they called him and not hear anyone tell me why I should be seeking God first and waiting for an answer. Nope didn't want no one not even God himself raining on my exhale moment.

What I've learned through this heart surgery is I was hardening my heart to God's truth. I see now that I have to officially let go of my way of doing life. Besides I have a marathon long track record that should prove to myself that I don't know what the heck I'm doing. 

Today I've watched back to back teachings that I swear ironically pertain to my current situation. God is making sure it gets drilled in this thick skull. I'd watch a video or podcast then have a cry session then watch another and cry some more afterwards. 
There is no one to call, nothing to drown out my feelings, no social media. Last night I made the mistake of watching one movie and it was a love story. Let's just say I wasn't ready....the scab had just been pealed back all over again. I didn't reach for food or send some crazy emotional text (although I was close to doing both). I prayed to my Daddy and as always there was peace afterwards. 

Before this 30 day journey I made everyone from Him, my mom, my clients, and whomever else my personal mission to save and pray for. I was definitely determined to get Him saved lol. I am laughing at myself out loud as I type this. I know God was like look at this fool. She running around worrying about everybody's spirituality but her own. 

The funny thing is everything in this Bible is for me to use to better Antwanyce not for me to beat everyone over the head with Bible knowledge. 

Monday, June 29, 2015

Day 5 of 30 Days With God

I woke up this morning to Psalm 51 (MSG) I thought wow Lord how perfect for this season.

You see David sinned by having an adulterous affair with Bathsheba and then tried to cover it up by having her husband killed. He knew he had done wrong so he cried out to God and repented.

The thing about it was... David suffered tremendously and quietly before confessing and repenting for his sins. When the spirit of God dwells in you that Holy Spirit will begin to convict you. You can't truly enjoy sin the way you used to before surrendering your life to Christ. Not saying that you won't have some pleasure or else the enemy couldn't tempt us. But it's kind of like trying to enjoy a good blockbuster movie at the theater but someone keeps kicking the back of your seat.

He wasn't just sorry but he showed genuine repentance. When we sin, we sin against no one but God. Which me means we rebel against God and his way of living. True repentance means truly having a new heart and truly agreeing God's word is true indeed and worthy of obeying and then obeying it.

David wanted to be cleansed of his sin. He wanted God to wash him and make him new. He wanted to use his repentance to teach others about the love of God. I can truly relate to David in this season of my life.
Before Christ they used a pure white lamb as a living sacrifice. But God loved us so much he sent his only begotten son. The Lamb of God. His blood washed away our sins. Jesus was the ultimate living sacrifice.

David's sins were punishable by death both adultery and murder. But Gods grace and mercy spared him. However because of his sin he endured many consequences as a result.
My sins have been forgiven but it doesn't unfortunately resolve me of the consequences as it didn't for David. And like David some of those consequences can not only affect me but the people I love and care about.

Whenever temptation is near God always gives us an exit but we have free will. Which means we have to choose. The Devil never shows us the other hand when he is tempting you but trust me it's there.

What I'm realizing in this season is not only do I want to choose God because of the consequences but also because I truly believe his word and agree with it. I love God and so I want to truly be a women after his heart. Not just living in a legalistic way but deep down in my heart and soul because I love Him.

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Day 4 of 30 Days With God

Today I slept way longer than I wanted to because of all the issues my body seems to have when I try to sleep at night. My lower back pain and the weird heart, breathing, anxiety type of situation I have to fall asleep with my pillows propped up and sleep sitting up until it passes. So needless to say I didn't get to sleep until about 3 am.
Today I will go walking after I take an Advil. Walking is hard because I typically walk with no music so I'm left with my thoughts. Which always tend to turn to him. Honestly some days I'm so full of regret because of the results that I am angry with him for not being the man I need or wanted him to be for me. Some days it's much easier to blame him than sit with my own self. I knew the dangerous road I was going down but he didn't or did he?
See that's the funny thing about sin it always presents itself as pleasurable, fun, good times etc etc.
Then when it blows up in your face and then you find yourself trying to back peddle but it's too late then. So in order to mask the pain of the fall out afterwards you do other stuff. For me I eat, or watch marathons of TV series or movies on Netflix to mentally escape or peer into other peoples lives on social media. Even worse sleep my days away because the dream is always better than the reality. In the dream I have a home with this man and a thriving business and we are a power couple with a dynamic ministry.  You will look up and see months and months of your life passing you by and more weight piling on and dreams slowly fading away.
That's how Satan works slowly stealing, killing, and destroying you and all your ordained divine purpose and destiny as well. Once you become ineffective you are no longer being used for the glory of God's Kingdom, which means you are no longer making a good impression on the lives of those souls you are called to impact for the Kingdom. John10:10
Now I fully understand why keeping your eyes stayed on the Lord is so important  Isaiah 26:3
and guarding your heart Proverbs 4:23.
So now what??? Well before a diamond becomes a diamond it's coal that has gone under extreme pressure deep in the earth's belly of coal  mines. As the same with gold it's goes through a refining process where its goes through extreme heat then forged into gold bullion.
This new heart process is the same and it's more precious than diamonds or gold.

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Days 1-3 of 30 Days With God

Today Saturday June 27th 11:38pm makes pretty much the end of day 3 of 30 days with God. Aside from writing about my journey. I have deactivated my Facebook personal page and logged out of Twitter and Snap-chat, turned off notifications for Glide and only scroll through Instagram after quite devotion in the morning and then again before I turn in for bed but I haven't posted anything. I am to have no contact for 30 days with my friend a man whom I happen to be in love with. This will hopefully allow me to sever the unhealthy soul tie I have established with him. I am trying to truly redirect my focus back to God. I also want to eat and live physically healthy which will coincide with being spiritually healthy.

So basically I've unplugged from everything and everybody I've become way too codependent on. Especially when one of those codependents isn't even aware of my symbiotic affection for him. It's just me and my blog and no one really even reads my blog. But I wanted to record this journey publicly.  

So far the process has involved a lot of crying and praying and reading my bible for comfort. It's still hard to re-discipline myself to reach for my bible in times when I'm searching for satisfaction. I'm so used to the empty calories of social media or Netflix or reaching out to him when I'm lonely or in the mood to talk about my life. Unfortunately none have really offered me any real solid solutions to the woes in my life anyway.

I've made my cellular device, food and this man an idol. I have chosen many times them over what I know to be the infallible truth of God's word.

Let's first start with the fact that I love to eat, it has brought me some level of comfort... At least while I'm actually eating it does. But now I seem to feel sick more times than not after eating especially anything unhealthy. Unfortunately I have paid the cost of making food my source of comfort. I am now very over weight and it has caused some health issues. Achy knees, lower back pain, pain in my ankles and feet. Increased heart rate and sleep apnea. That's just what I know of.

Then there is the fact that I love love. I am in love with the idea of the happily ever after, growing old with my best friend as my husband and companion. Yet I won't allow God to groom me to be the perfect mate for my perfect mate. I keep taking control of the wheel. There enters the problem when an old childhood friend whom I've often dreamed of through my adult life comes back around and we begin to journey on a delightful summer of fun. Then I lost my focus and should've been checking in with God as to the purpose of this reunion. Why because I had my own selfish agenda and now I'm feeling weight of those decisions. I blogged about it here

Now lastly but definitely not least this damn phone has stolen so much of my time and even in some cases my joy. Too much information constantly being feed into your brain is just not healthy. Social Media can be like getting lost in the Bermuda Triangle. There have been plenty of times when I have looked up and now I'm running late or up way past the time I was going to bed or even not falling back to sleep because I check my phone in the middle of the night. I had even gotten good at checking in on his activity through social media. It's truly a very toxic and dangerous platform if you aren't careful.

So here I am 30 days of Praise and worship music, prayer, praise, meditating of God's word, eating better, exercising and solely relying of My Father in Heaven for all source of satisfaction and fulfillment. It's only been 3 days and I feel okay as long as I am busy at work or doing things around the house or for my son. But when it's time to get quite I have to sit with all of this and its ugly. Circumcision of the heart is as brutal as circumcision itself.

Psalm 34 has been great comfort while I purge. As I type these words I can hear the words playing in my headphones HE WANTS IT ALL TODAY. BOW DOWN LET GO OF YOUR IDOLS, HE WANTS IT ALL.

Sunday, June 14, 2015

Queen bee

So after looking at drawings that I made prints of I realized I hadn't done one in awhile. So while I was selling my art downtown Silver Spring, Maryland I kept myself entertained by starting a new drawing on some bristol paper. I eventually finished it at home.

Monday, May 18, 2015

Leonie's Box

My painting for a custom made jewelry box. Under paint was a thin water color wash and then finished in oil paint. The box was unprimed craft box from Michael's. The inside was done with paper using heavy body gel medium by golden.
Water colors used: Artist Loft 
Oil Paints used: Winsor Newton and Reeves.
Varnish for outside: Grumbacher
Gel medium for inside: Golden heavy body glossy
Brushes: Trekell and Royal Langnickel







Sunday, March 15, 2015

To have loved and to have lost...

I wonder if anyone has ever died from a broken heart? I haven't felt this bewildered since I lost my uncle. Of course the lost isn't the same because no one has died. Yet the heaviness is the same. The knowledge that this heavy feeling will pass is somewhere in the back of my mind. Yet the random moments of uncontrollable sobbing are all too familiar. Then there is the longing for that love one but you have no power to bring them back to you.
Perhaps it's the weird way I cling to the men I truly adore in my life. I adore my uncle Terry, my brother Delonte' and I adored my uncle Darel. Darel has been gone for 5 years now, yet some days it feels like it was just a few months ago. I miss him so much. J would've liked him. Sighhhh speaking of my J... After we reconnected my life hasn't been the same. Oh I how I adore him so. Everything was good until one day it just wasn't. Now I'm trying to readjust and be alright with the distance that is now between us. My emotions go from one extreme to the next. I've never experienced what I experienced with him with no man before him. It felt safe. I fell but he wasn't ready to catch me.
I get so angry at times because I had finally gotten to a place where no one was in the picture frame. The day dream was of no one except me and my dreams of owning a coffee house gallery. Now I in love with a man who isn't capable of loving someone in that capacity or perhaps just not me.
Some days I'm grateful for the experience I shared with him last summer because I now have a preview of what I can potentially have with someone who is ready. Then there are days like today where I miss and long for some of those moments with my J. Even as just my old friend.
Then there are the moments where I feel as though you can't miss what you've never known so I wish I had never known....
I'm just tired of grieving this loss. I just want to go to sleep and wake up and feel better now.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Two post in one.

After the Queen Bee box I created the Queen of Hearts box. The feedback wasn't what I expected unfortunately. As I've stated in previous post surrealism just doesn't seem to bold over with my predominantly African American audience.  The first box sold literally 3min after posting it. But I'm sure it will sell soon. If not online definitely at the market.
Up next in honor of women's history month and always reping my sisters. I did my version of WE CAN DO IT dope chic style of course. The cool thing was I did it on denim.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

QueenBee Box

I bought this craft box a few years ago and drew a sketch out on it early last year.
So I had it sitting on my dresser all this time. I finally got around to it because painting keeps my mind at peace. After finishing Nadia I needed another project ASAP. Between the cold long nights of winter and the longing of last summer painting keeps my over analytical brain quite. 
I'm forever grateful for this gift. The box was very fun to work on. Even measuring and making a pattern to use to cut out decorative paper. I cant wait do another one.  I have an octagon one I'm thinking about starting next.
I used acrylic under painting and also for the white part. I finished everything aside from the white in oil paint. The interior I used handmade paper that was dyed and stamped by hand. I found this paper and more like it at Plaza Art store.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Nadia

I did Nadia with the idea of my old face painting style in mind. Although I switched her usual chin out for a dimpled chin. I used my reference Day Dreamer painting for her eyes. After seeing Big Eyes the movie I wanted to go back to exaggerated big eyes. Yet still keeping them in the typical shape I tend to make them, which by the way some say are like my eyes. 
Lately I've been staying in the more urban, black is beautiful, dope art lane. At first I was feeling like I wasn't doing anything that hadn't already been done. Then I realized it may have been done but not in the matter in which I do it. Also I am selling! So that makes me even more inspired. 
These will be on tshirts and totes soon.

My Goal

My goal is to create affordable artworks for people who love my art.

My goal is to sell affordable art every week. 

I would rather my art be hung on the walls of my collectors homes, offices and businesses than accumulate in my garage or basement. 

My goal is for people especially brown women to see and identify themselves in my art. Not just physically but spiritually and emotionally as well.

My goal is to build my online artist brand to the point where I can live anywhere in the country and still sustain myself as an artist. 

As of now I'm more dependant on my income as a hairstylist which means if I am to ever consider living else where I would have to rebuild. Something at this point in my life I'm just not interested in doing. 

I like the balance I have right now. Three days a week I service customers by doing their hair or makeup. Then the other four days I dedicate to building my artist brand in between church, running errands and chores. 

I just want equally as much money coming in from my art.

My goal is to have a live/work space. Perhaps a storefront studio/salon with a home either upstairs, in the back, or attached next door. That would be ideal. However a home I can alter a room or garage into a work space is cool as well. I love the concept the Art District of Hyattsville has with storefront townhouses and roof top decks. Maybe in Baltimore I can find something like that near the nicer areas.

Goals and vision board putting out in the world. GOD if it's your will enlarge my territory.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Finally!

I remember drawing this in a ruled notebook probably in or around January 2013. I was finally inspired to paint her. I used canvas again since it seems my wonderful handyman has taken a winter break. I collaged the canvas with musical note scrapbook paper. Then gave it a white wash. Then outlined in acrylic but shaded her in with oils. Hopefully she will have a home very soon.

Saturday, February 7, 2015

On the easel now

I think she may already be sold. However until PayPal officially notifies me it's anyone's grab. Once again I'm having a little fun creating artwork that will be available for merchandise. So for all the urban, artsy, naturalistas out there that also love a beatface this one is for you.

Saturday, January 31, 2015

Affordable art

Two years ago a friend gave me a ton of canvases for Christmas. Two packs of 8x10 and two packs of 11x14. However I had been really hooked on wood so they sat on a shelf until now.
I was thinking of a away to create affordable art and sell out of it at the same time. So I came up with making 12 sassy, trendy images of women of color particularly in the natural hair community. The art I love to collect often times doesn't have the faces I identify with as a black woman. I love quirky, urban, lowbrow, pop surrealism, portraiture, tattoo style art but very seldom do I see myself. Although it doesn't stop me from collecting from some of my beloved favorite artist. It does inspire me to create what I would love to see.
It has it's challenges unfortunately. If it's too surreal, often times my predominately black fan base thinks its too weird some would even say "dark". There in lies the struggle to create art other people will love and that I love as well. After all I'd rather my art hang in someone else's home than accumulate in my basement.

Anyway here I have created something I feel good about and the fans love. Eventually they will be available as t-shirts, tote bags, prints and other merchandise. Some of the images will be available for licensing as well.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Recent work

I have been doing a horrible job maintaining my blog. I guess because of a lot of personal issues both good and bad. But I decided instead of loading one blogpost at a time it's just easier to list as many images this device would allow at one time.

Collaboration with Ebbystouch.com she is a Texas based photographer and she sent me this photo on canvas that she manipulated in photoshop putting together multiple images creating the perfect abstract yet organic backdrop. I painted the tree and face. I titled it Weathered. 

This piece was originally a sketch I drew after George Zimmerman got off for killing Trayvon Martin. Then fast forward to Mike Brown and the more obvious Eric Garner, John Crawford and Tamir Rice where there was actual video footage. I really began to believe justice truly is blind so I decided to do a spin on the personification of Lady Justice. Lady justice is depicted blindfolded to imply objectivity regardless of race, wealth, education etc. She also holds scales that she uses to measure the strength of the case. She also has a double edge sword which means the case can go either way. I replaced with the sword with a noose around her neck because these cases are more like modern day strange fruit never even seeing the inside of a courtroom. 

Another collaboration with Greece artist Melania Kosmopoulou she did the background and texture. I painted the checkerboard and face.
They had sight, but no insight. They exercised the power of observation, but had no imagination. Alive and dead all at the same time. Falling for the status quo. Brainwashed by mass media. Beautiful and superficial with no depth.  The matrix.
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