Friday, August 29, 2008

Uncertainty

This fine Friday morning I sit here and ponder not only how did I get here but how do I get out of here and how do I not come here ever again.
My baby sis is moving out today. Yep her and her family are moving on to their own place.I should be jumping for joy. I guess I'm thinking about the uncertain move that I too have to make soon.
Its funny because I was on a road to what I thought was a recovery. Now over a period of months I seemed to turned into a complete retard when it comes to finances. Now I will be the first to tell you I've done my fair share of financial screws ups in past years. Especialy with my first house. But why is that when it seems that there is some light at the end of the tunnel. Some how I myself seem to blow it out. I'm a little jealous that she found a home first and had money to move into it. I mean realy...these people want some high deposits.Not only that but will be able to move in with all the comforts and sercurity she would normally be used to. My mom tells me that its a nice house with a great kitchen for someone who loves cooking. Not to mention for some reason I have a feeling she will do just fine. Its not going to be easy but something tells me they meaning her and her kids are going to be okay. As for me I'm very uncertain with very very little money and clout. Were my future lies. So I remain unsure but somehow hopeful. Even in the worst case scenario I'm pretty certain my children will have a place to go.

You know it would be nice to be able in the near future to be so together that financialy that I needed no help from man. I need God yet sometimes I forget to call on him I guess because unknowingly tend to think only I can fix my problems. Or sometimes I'll think this is a job for family member. It never dawns on me that it was him working through family. He put those people in place to help me. (Sighing deeply)
- watched the DNC last night and listened with tears rolling down my eyes at Obamas speach. I never how much things needed change until I heard that speach. His speach gave me new hope too. Now more than ever I feel if he is elected my dreams of being a business owner and entrepenuer are even more closer to grasp.

So today as I journey out into my day even in the mist of uncertainty I'm hopeful for what the future brings as far as my current financial status. I think about my grandma in VA and how she may or may not get to achieve the things she wants in her life but she always still enjoys the journey while trying to get there. Now talk about living life full. I need to learn a thing or two from her.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Stupid Computer and Fios!


I had lunch with my Brother yesterday. My Mommy is making me a butterfly blouse. My Granny is the same. My Sister still lives with me. And last but not least I still haven't started on a damn thing I said I would in my last blog.
I've been trying to re list my art on my Etsy website but they are having technical difficulties at the moment. So is my slow computer, along with the fact that I don't think I'm a big fan of the turtle slowVerizon Fios. When I move I think I'm going back to Comcast.
Soooo anyhoo my days have been long and hectic. The children are back in school and I'm trying so desperately to get my son into the boys and girls club football league. I've been to practice all week yet he still has no equipment. There is sooo much to do but no where near enough time to do it all. AGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I try to keep in mind that every air that I breath is a blessing from God. That every day that I wake up to see another day is also a blessing from God. I wonder sometime if we we've got it all wrong. I wonder if He looks down on us and yells at us the way we yell at the dumb girl in the scary movie. He is probably yelling nooo your going the wrong way!!!!! Danger Danger. Sighhh or maybe he is saying your wasting your precious life chasing after the wrong things. I kind of admire "Gypsy" people. I mean...can you live life to its fullest and have attachments to material things and money. For most of us money or in my case lack there of is what keeps me from living my life to its fullest.
Humm let me dare dream for one moment....to be able to take my children on a world tour to all seven continents. To live in a real industrial style loft apartment in NY and be able to live off of painting and selling my art. Yet also have a Victorian style cottage in a small town outside the city with a beautiful floral and vegetable garden. To have time to truly enjoy my two wonderful children. I love them so much. To help my amazing Mom achieve some of her wildest dreams.
Then again maybe I'm not sure what exactly is a full life. My dreams weren't the life of a "Gypsy". Yet I find myself thinking that if I didn't have a certain attachment to keeping certain things a person my age with kids should have.... I would be much happier and less stressed. "Gypsies" have children I'm sure. I use the name or term "Gypsy" very loosely. I just mean a person who kind of goes anyway the wind blows them. Some what nomadic. Sometimes I think that living off of the grid wouldn't be a bad idea. But then I think yeah right Antwanyce who are you kidding.
I guess it just scares me to know that one day that thing called time is going to run out... and when it does what is it that will have really mattered? Will it be more money, having a nice home, seeing the world, working hard 40 hours a week for 40 years, paying bills, trying to give our kids a good life, heck trying to survive or give ourselves a good life. We tell ourselves 'we do what we have to do'. But who made those rules who says we have to do those things? For me as an artist, rules are made to be broken.
I know one thing for sure if people like Barrack Obama a black man from the south side of Chicago can now be the first black democratic nominee, Oprah Winfrey the first black female billionaire, Jay-Z, P Diddy, 50 Cents are all considered hip hop Moguls and on and on. These people came from far more humble beginnings than myself. Yet they have over came hurdles by leaps and bounds. Then I think about the fact that Jesus and his apostles had none of the modern luxuries of that time and their life was full. So how do you keep that in perspective yet still not become complacent?
I read a blog awhile ago about an artist who has the opportunity to live aboard with her husband. Yet part of her still pulls at the typical American dream of the house, the car, and two 1/2 children with the token pet. Once again those subliminal rules rearing their ugly little heads.

I guess I just keep thinking I'm not living my life to its fullest potential. Its like having a fast car that can reach zero to 60 in like 6.5 seconds and getting to top speeds of 225mph yet never driving over 55mph. WTF! Potential is just that "potential" hmmm the possibility of being so much more. I must get out of my head and out of my way and "Just Do It!" Mmm now where have I heard that one before?
My blogs are starting to sound a bit redundant I must either change my life or write a fictional book about someone who has. ;)

Sunday, August 24, 2008

I did it!

I got up early and went to the 8 o' clock service at my church. Now I'm off into the world to work to be continued...

Friday, August 22, 2008

I've got work to do!!

As I sit here and wait for my client to dry I am irritated by the people who keep congregating around my station crowding my already crowed space. I WANT THEM TO MOVE!!! So anyway I have a lot of work to do and I don't know how on earth I'm going to get it all done nor where the energy is going to come from.

Hey people its later on in the evening and I just got finished dumpster diving for moving boxes. Oh yeah I forgot to mention that earlier, because I was at work, so I had to work. I'm moving unfortunately a lot sooner than later. So anyway I'm also driving around everyday looking for houses that would suit my business and personal needs. Its all so crazy. On the bright side I'm hopeful. A new house with new possibilities. Oh yeah I want to go back to school and get my degree in the fine arts by the spring. Also take some classes now this fall. My son wants to play football this season and I'm ready to make a drastic move in the hair business. I know one thing... its time to put my game face on and focus on securing my future and my childrens future. I don't know of I've mentioned my pendants in here before but I've got a few pieces done and painted. I may even go ahead and make them into jewelry. I'll be posting those on etsy soon and re listing my artwork. This move just kind of came up at a time where I am feeling so creative and inspired . But who knows what God has in store for me. The good thing is I'll be all settled in by my birthday and ready to be doing those other things by the end of the year. Here's too change and a bright and adventure filled trip down this road we call life.

Monday, August 18, 2008

new direction

While some things haven't changed. Like my love life...actually that's not entirely true. I have and still am learning to love myself. Taking care of me first has been something I'm slowly discovering isn't a bad thing. Although I still have the biggest love for a certain special someone I now know how to even keep myself from being tangled in that web.

Now for my new love. Yep its what has inspired me to blog and run home and create. The power to take something from my imagination and put it on canvas is still very amazing to me. I mean I can give some credit to my parents but GOD himself is in me.
In my head I walk around with theme music. I want to put on cute artsy clothes. Its all I want to discuss with my clients and friends. However I now feel I a real need to sharpen my skills and get some formal training. Perhaps even a mentor in the art world. There are so many things to learn. I'm learning some hard lessons now. They say those real life experiences are the best ones to learn.
Then there are the times I can't get out of my head with all the ideas from what my next piece is going to look like to where should I live to be closer to an artsy urban environment.
I've been searching for some grant money online. I want to get my Associates degree in fine arts at Corcoran School of The Arts at the Corcoran Museum. I want to work on some really great pieces, so by the early spring I can start going to some Galleries to get some representation. However in the mean time I need to get some good pieces done so that I can have my own exhibition by mid October.

I'm even ready to start making the transition from the salon to my home. I figure with the high rent and scheduling my own appointments, I might as well. Of course still keeping it very posh and professional. Also staying up on the trends and education.
All this must still be in order with God has in store for me. So I must pray and sit still and listen.

I just have a very unshakable optimistic outlook on what greatness is about to unfold in this new direction my life is going in.

Family, Art and The Future

Sunday started off very very good even in the wee am hours of Sunday morning. I laid around for awhile but then I eventually got out. I did get to go over to the art gallery in north bowie yesterday. I am considering their artist of the month program.Its kind of not what I expected. But mmm we shall see.

Anyway I finally made it over to Shelly's and I helped out and had a really nice time. Taprina came as well.Her family was really nice.But before you knew it, it was time to pick up the children from their dads house.So on the way home the the cherry on the cake was seeing my brother I hadn't seen since my son was a baby.Before that I hadn't seen him since he was a baby.So it was a very happy moment.I stayed for a minute and got to see his sister Peahes but I missed his mom.
Anyway I had a wonderful day

Friday, August 15, 2008

Pendants

In my last blog I vented now I'm back to being my creative self. I have a new blackberry,its red and new and shiny and new upgrades. I got my children new phones too. The best part is with all the instant rebates I paid almost nothing for the phones. The children are happy for the moment. 11 more days til school starts back up yay!

Now I've been working on these pendants to add to my Etsy store. You know like just some small cutesy but with just a tad bit of that handmade look to them clay pendants.
They are easy to make but not so easy to make so that they don't look mass produce but also don't look like cheap crafty crap. Anyway I'm going to paint and varnish them when I'm done. Oh yeah and I finished my abstract piece but it needs a coat of varnish. I like working with the acrylic paint molding paste. Everyday I think more and more about doing hair at home that way when I'm not busy I can be in my studio working on my art. Well I gotta run the clients are here.Also I must remember to pick up some batteries today. Between the camera and remote control and IMaingo. I can't function.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Losing control


http://www.electricityforum.com/images/screaming-face.jpg

cow·ard
–noun
1.
a person who lacks courage in facing danger, difficulty, opposition, pain, etc.; a timid or easily intimidated person. –adjective
2.
lacking courage; very fearful or timid.
3.
proceeding from or expressive of fear or timidity: a coward cry.
[Origin: 1175–1225; ME <>-ard]




This is suppose to be an artsy blog. Its just a Nycie Blog. A stupid online diary that I have to censor because I'm a coward and I wanted to be RichAnt The Artist instead I'm some flighty hairstylist who is in search of satisfaction. You know the pursuant of that true happiness.

So what I spend money I shouldn't, so what I want a fulfilling relationship with a man. Half the damn women out here want that and they are lying when they say they don't. Hell some are in relationships and still lonely. Why does making me have cats as oppose to dogs or any other pet make me the lonely cat lady? Why can't single women own cats and it not have a negative connotations behind it. No I don't like being overweight but shit who the f*#@ does? The whole diet industry wouldn't be making a killing if people like me weren't always looking for a simple way to lose the pounds. Yeah I read self improvement books so the f@#* what! Some people pop pills or down a drink or worse. I think there is always room for self improvement.

Everyday I try to avoid disturbing the balance that I need to function creatively in my little world. I guess its the Libra in me. I don't like confrontation. It weakens my spirit. My cats are so misunderstood they just want to co-exist in love and peace. I may not have all the answers but I still manage to try and be optimistic and encouraged. So when I lose control and fly off the handle it doesn't feel good. Once I let the things that get on my nerves starts to really get to me then I've sold my soul. That never makes me feel good it can actually make me quite nauseous. I've allowed myself to reach my boiling point and for what...just to prove I too can say it in your face and get down right nasty with it. Well hell I'd much rather be a coward, its my way to co-exist. So yes I am a coward and that feeling I can live with far better than being mean and out of control.
To my sister I am deeply sorry for those awful things I said. It was hurtful and malicous. I want so badly to retract that moment in time.



Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Dreams can come true

There are plenty of people who can testify to this. While I was out and about in the world today watching people go about their day appearing to be happy. (I say appear because you just never know whats lurking inside) Anyway I started to wonder about my own happiness. I noticed that all the things I thought were happiness were all external. You know more money, car, purse, house, a man, a slim figure the list goes on and on. However that's not true happiness because if those very same things are gone than I would no longer be happy. How about most of those things I don't have now and I'm not sad. Do I have stresses and bills...of course who doesn't. The one thing I'm learning about life is even amongst all the drama and road blocks, there are still some small things you can relish.

Now getting to the dreams. I know there are only a small few who just had good luck or a family fortune. Yet the vast majority of people who have had good success worked really hard and persevered. There are so many self made Moguls or no so Moguls people in this world. Some had far more dramatic road blocks and set backs than I could ever care imagine. So I know in my hearts of hearts that the only thing stopping me is ME!
God gave me a talent to create things with my hands and I know he designed this in me for a specific purpose.
I just have to allow him to order my steps and work hard. Only thing is old habits die hard. Its so much easier to just sit and be lazy. Just think if the whole world were to persevere and focus where mankind could be. I know I have to set goals, then set small specific goals that lead up to larger ones.
Its funny how three simple words have so much profound power JUST DO IT! I don' think Nike even realizes the profoundness of that statement. I also know that accountability helps. For some people its a friend or group that can help them stay on track. Even administer some tough love when necessary. I know one small goal I want to start. Going to bed by 12:00 midnight at the latest and up and out of the bed by 6:00am at the latest. After that putting on work out clothes and shoes and going walking for at least 30 minutes.
These are the two main goals I've decided to start with. Only because my health, rest and my time set the solid foundation for the rest of my goals to be set upon.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Patchwork my new piece...

Well today was a good day again. Now I'm working on a new piece called "Patchwork" and yet once again I'm stuck. I know that eventually I'll get unstuck but you know me. This will be an abstract painting. You know what ... now that I glance over at it, it almost seems like woven thread more so than patches. hmmmm sighhhh you be the judge.
When you look closely at it, has a lot of texture. However I'm far from done. I just don't know exactly where to go from here.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Living and Learning but not guite getting the lesson

I celebrated way too soon. I jump the gun and jinxed myself. Never count your chickens before they hatch and get a deposit just in case they don't. Thats all I'm going to say on that.

Friday, August 8, 2008

The migraine from hell!!!

Whew it has finally subsided. The headache I started out with ended up a being a serious nauseasing migraine from the depths of hell. I mean it just continued to get worse and worse. I was even wanting my mommy. I left work without even saying bye. Went straight up to my room and got undressed and went to bed. I woke feeling somewhat better but little mr. Migraine was still very close by. Then out of nowhere my head felt like a jack hammer was digging away at my skull. I had gotten so nauseas that when I finally just let go I ran to the bathroom threw up then I felt unbelievably better. I was almost tempted to go down and log onto etsy. Heck even start a painting but my body I think was telling me to get my behind to bed at a decent hour. I'm just glad that's all over. Tomorrow will be good!!!!

I'm a tree cat lady

I started my day as usual...having a complete misconception of time and as a result LATE AGAIN. A guy came to deliver a used fridge because the old one wasn't keeping our food. Mmmm... it will hopefully serve its purpose but its a bit beat up. Anyway I have this thing about leaving the kitchen in disarray hoping it will lead into a trend of continued cleanliness but so far it has not worked. Not even with the grown people who live with me. Sighhhh. Oh yeah, as I was saying I ran to get dressed at 10am (I'm suppose to be gone by 10am) and then get distracted by an HGTV episode of that show where they match the inspiration room. Anyway that was a big no no. I HAVE TO DRIVE TO LAUREL AND BE TO WORK BY 11AM! So needless to say I'm on my way to Laurel at umm lets say about 10:50. Oh and did I say I need to get gas.
Ummm lets just say thank God for assistance and great co-workers. I was a whole hour and fifteen minutes late. Yeah she had been started but only after waiting thirty minutes. She wasn't mad but I definitely had to compensate her for lost time. YUCK I hate having to do that. I need all my monies.
One might ask why didn't you just go to Laurel later? Well because I had absolutely no products left. I had been stretching what I had until I had some extra cash.
Well the day didn't turn out to be a total bust my last client rescheduled for Saturday so I came home early. I rested up a bit than jumped into my painting. I had the music playing loud (preggo wasn't home) and I was in a zone. However I still couldn't resist the chat room on etsy. Its addictive and the other etsyians say the same thing. We could all get some work done if we weren't in the darn chat rooms.
They are so much fun not only does it get you more views, but you can run chat room specials, get your hearts bumped up. Most importantly you develop a network and good friendships. Yay one of the positives of the world wide web.


Once I'm done with my custom orders I am going to do a few abstracts for my online gallery.
I'm also debating on separating the mini art cards from my canvases. I know I should at least redo them on the scanner and re-list them.
I'm out of copper and pewter paint! Shoot I was trying to finish all the back grounds tonight. Oh well. I'm going to bed then. After I have a peanut butter jelly sandwich. :)

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

I went karaoking last night!!!




First I must say I've sold another painting to one of my co-workers and that is always good news!

Then that evening as tired as I was, I went out to a sports bar in the neighborhood and hung out with the karaoke crowd. I met a guy friend up there....he was a new guy I met a couple of months back. Me and my friends and co-workers had a nice time. The guy friend wanted to go some where quieter so we left and went down the street. We hung out at Jasper's for awhile and got to chit chat and learn a little bit about each other. We were suppose to hook up today but hum mm he never called nor did he return my call when I called him. Oh well that's life. Overall yesterday was a pretty darn productive and good day. As for today I've been a lazy bum but I did finish the free gift I included in the purchase that was made.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

I had so much fun tonight!!

First yesterday I got commissioned for another painting! That's always a reason to be happy. Then today work was productive. Not to mention I still had enough time to break and sketch out a sample of what I'm going to do in my next clients piece. Then my good friend Beverly called and she was in town. She wanted to hang out because she was feeling kinda down. So since I was already dressed in my cute black dress I decided that I would go out with her. We went downtown to Zanzabar on the waterfront. We had a ball we danced and she drank. We met a few nice guys. The few I met were much older than me but tall dark and handsome none the less. Afterwards we went to the warf and got some good fried fish! We ate that fish sitting right in the car too! We wouldn't dare weight until we got home and our golden crispy fish be cold and soggy! Anywho we enjoyed our evening and I was home by 10:30. Just in time to get in bed and get enough sleep to be on time to the salon in the morning yay. When I get off tomorrow I can pick up some supplies and get started on the three pieces I had to do. Debbie,Muffy,Aunt Jean.
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