Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Stupid Computer and Fios!


I had lunch with my Brother yesterday. My Mommy is making me a butterfly blouse. My Granny is the same. My Sister still lives with me. And last but not least I still haven't started on a damn thing I said I would in my last blog.
I've been trying to re list my art on my Etsy website but they are having technical difficulties at the moment. So is my slow computer, along with the fact that I don't think I'm a big fan of the turtle slowVerizon Fios. When I move I think I'm going back to Comcast.
Soooo anyhoo my days have been long and hectic. The children are back in school and I'm trying so desperately to get my son into the boys and girls club football league. I've been to practice all week yet he still has no equipment. There is sooo much to do but no where near enough time to do it all. AGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I try to keep in mind that every air that I breath is a blessing from God. That every day that I wake up to see another day is also a blessing from God. I wonder sometime if we we've got it all wrong. I wonder if He looks down on us and yells at us the way we yell at the dumb girl in the scary movie. He is probably yelling nooo your going the wrong way!!!!! Danger Danger. Sighhh or maybe he is saying your wasting your precious life chasing after the wrong things. I kind of admire "Gypsy" people. I mean...can you live life to its fullest and have attachments to material things and money. For most of us money or in my case lack there of is what keeps me from living my life to its fullest.
Humm let me dare dream for one moment....to be able to take my children on a world tour to all seven continents. To live in a real industrial style loft apartment in NY and be able to live off of painting and selling my art. Yet also have a Victorian style cottage in a small town outside the city with a beautiful floral and vegetable garden. To have time to truly enjoy my two wonderful children. I love them so much. To help my amazing Mom achieve some of her wildest dreams.
Then again maybe I'm not sure what exactly is a full life. My dreams weren't the life of a "Gypsy". Yet I find myself thinking that if I didn't have a certain attachment to keeping certain things a person my age with kids should have.... I would be much happier and less stressed. "Gypsies" have children I'm sure. I use the name or term "Gypsy" very loosely. I just mean a person who kind of goes anyway the wind blows them. Some what nomadic. Sometimes I think that living off of the grid wouldn't be a bad idea. But then I think yeah right Antwanyce who are you kidding.
I guess it just scares me to know that one day that thing called time is going to run out... and when it does what is it that will have really mattered? Will it be more money, having a nice home, seeing the world, working hard 40 hours a week for 40 years, paying bills, trying to give our kids a good life, heck trying to survive or give ourselves a good life. We tell ourselves 'we do what we have to do'. But who made those rules who says we have to do those things? For me as an artist, rules are made to be broken.
I know one thing for sure if people like Barrack Obama a black man from the south side of Chicago can now be the first black democratic nominee, Oprah Winfrey the first black female billionaire, Jay-Z, P Diddy, 50 Cents are all considered hip hop Moguls and on and on. These people came from far more humble beginnings than myself. Yet they have over came hurdles by leaps and bounds. Then I think about the fact that Jesus and his apostles had none of the modern luxuries of that time and their life was full. So how do you keep that in perspective yet still not become complacent?
I read a blog awhile ago about an artist who has the opportunity to live aboard with her husband. Yet part of her still pulls at the typical American dream of the house, the car, and two 1/2 children with the token pet. Once again those subliminal rules rearing their ugly little heads.

I guess I just keep thinking I'm not living my life to its fullest potential. Its like having a fast car that can reach zero to 60 in like 6.5 seconds and getting to top speeds of 225mph yet never driving over 55mph. WTF! Potential is just that "potential" hmmm the possibility of being so much more. I must get out of my head and out of my way and "Just Do It!" Mmm now where have I heard that one before?
My blogs are starting to sound a bit redundant I must either change my life or write a fictional book about someone who has. ;)

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