Sunday, March 15, 2015

To have loved and to have lost...

I wonder if anyone has ever died from a broken heart? I haven't felt this bewildered since I lost my uncle. Of course the lost isn't the same because no one has died. Yet the heaviness is the same. The knowledge that this heavy feeling will pass is somewhere in the back of my mind. Yet the random moments of uncontrollable sobbing are all too familiar. Then there is the longing for that love one but you have no power to bring them back to you.
Perhaps it's the weird way I cling to the men I truly adore in my life. I adore my uncle Terry, my brother Delonte' and I adored my uncle Darel. Darel has been gone for 5 years now, yet some days it feels like it was just a few months ago. I miss him so much. J would've liked him. Sighhhh speaking of my J... After we reconnected my life hasn't been the same. Oh I how I adore him so. Everything was good until one day it just wasn't. Now I'm trying to readjust and be alright with the distance that is now between us. My emotions go from one extreme to the next. I've never experienced what I experienced with him with no man before him. It felt safe. I fell but he wasn't ready to catch me.
I get so angry at times because I had finally gotten to a place where no one was in the picture frame. The day dream was of no one except me and my dreams of owning a coffee house gallery. Now I in love with a man who isn't capable of loving someone in that capacity or perhaps just not me.
Some days I'm grateful for the experience I shared with him last summer because I now have a preview of what I can potentially have with someone who is ready. Then there are days like today where I miss and long for some of those moments with my J. Even as just my old friend.
Then there are the moments where I feel as though you can't miss what you've never known so I wish I had never known....
I'm just tired of grieving this loss. I just want to go to sleep and wake up and feel better now.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Two post in one.

After the Queen Bee box I created the Queen of Hearts box. The feedback wasn't what I expected unfortunately. As I've stated in previous post surrealism just doesn't seem to bold over with my predominantly African American audience.  The first box sold literally 3min after posting it. But I'm sure it will sell soon. If not online definitely at the market.
Up next in honor of women's history month and always reping my sisters. I did my version of WE CAN DO IT dope chic style of course. The cool thing was I did it on denim.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

QueenBee Box

I bought this craft box a few years ago and drew a sketch out on it early last year.
So I had it sitting on my dresser all this time. I finally got around to it because painting keeps my mind at peace. After finishing Nadia I needed another project ASAP. Between the cold long nights of winter and the longing of last summer painting keeps my over analytical brain quite. 
I'm forever grateful for this gift. The box was very fun to work on. Even measuring and making a pattern to use to cut out decorative paper. I cant wait do another one.  I have an octagon one I'm thinking about starting next.
I used acrylic under painting and also for the white part. I finished everything aside from the white in oil paint. The interior I used handmade paper that was dyed and stamped by hand. I found this paper and more like it at Plaza Art store.

Sunday, March 1, 2015


I did Nadia with the idea of my old face painting style in mind. Although I switched her usual chin out for a dimpled chin. I used my reference Day Dreamer painting for her eyes. After seeing Big Eyes the movie I wanted to go back to exaggerated big eyes. Yet still keeping them in the typical shape I tend to make them, which by the way some say are like my eyes. 
Lately I've been staying in the more urban, black is beautiful, dope art lane. At first I was feeling like I wasn't doing anything that hadn't already been done. Then I realized it may have been done but not in the matter in which I do it. Also I am selling! So that makes me even more inspired. 
These will be on tshirts and totes soon.

My Goal

My goal is to create affordable artworks for people who love my art.

My goal is to sell affordable art every week. 

I would rather my art be hung on the walls of my collectors homes, offices and businesses than accumulate in my garage or basement. 

My goal is for people especially brown women to see and identify themselves in my art. Not just physically but spiritually and emotionally as well.

My goal is to build my online artist brand to the point where I can live anywhere in the country and still sustain myself as an artist. 

As of now I'm more dependant on my income as a hairstylist which means if I am to ever consider living else where I would have to rebuild. Something at this point in my life I'm just not interested in doing. 

I like the balance I have right now. Three days a week I service customers by doing their hair or makeup. Then the other four days I dedicate to building my artist brand in between church, running errands and chores. 

I just want equally as much money coming in from my art.

My goal is to have a live/work space. Perhaps a storefront studio/salon with a home either upstairs, in the back, or attached next door. That would be ideal. However a home I can alter a room or garage into a work space is cool as well. I love the concept the Art District of Hyattsville has with storefront townhouses and roof top decks. Maybe in Baltimore I can find something like that near the nicer areas.

Goals and vision board putting out in the world. GOD if it's your will enlarge my territory.

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