Friday, January 16, 2009

The Butterfly Effect on real life

Remember that movie...
Its was crazy. Its was almost like a choose your own adventure book. Almost...

Anywayz I often wonder how would my life be if certain things had been different.

Ex: If my dad had been... hmmm sighhhh I guess the word is.... stable and very active in my life. I wonder what type of positive or negative out come would have came from that.
Or even if my mom married while we were still little girls.

I wonder about choices I've made, were they based on the way I was because of choices other people made.
I think about everything that lead up to who I am now be it good, bad, or indifferent, it has molded me into the woman I am today.
I mean somethings you just can't help because they are woven into you from DNA of the ancestors before you.

Ex: I think I love the arts because my parents are artist. They draw so I inherited the gene to draw.
Here's another one my love for pretty junk and second hand furnishings and clothing. Or the fact that I love being naked. That all came from my Grandma on my father's side.

Its crazy all the what ifs...but somethings it just seems as if you have no control over.
My zodiac tells me (whenever I read about it) that a good relationship moves me to the core.
So am I always going to have a void if that special someone never appears. Then I even read how not only being born in that month but that specific day has some things to do with my personality and why I do some of the things I do.

Am I just hopeless in my lot in life. Lucy in the sky with diamonds. Why haven't I inherited the frugal gene or I guess maybe I should be grateful for the genes I didn't get instead.

I lay at night trying to stop thinking of all that stresses me so I don't dream about it. Just to wake up and its all back. I can't seem to turn it off and just live. Wouldn't that be nice to occasionally have the ability to go on auto pilot while your brain is at the spa or beach.

Without the use of drugs or alcohol people! I mean now really... my goodness you guys.

Seriously though... I'd go to the spa at least twice a month depending on how much overtime my brain has done.

But back to the butterfly thingy I do have somethings if I had the ability to change or stop, redo whatever I definitely would.

I guess its how you get wisdom though. But hey who's says that it has to be through your own experiences?
Because silly rabbit that's how most people learn! Its called "The Hard Way On Your Own" THWOYO boys and girls.

I say all this to say....oh crap absolutely nothing just wanted to share.
Peace and Love ;-)

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Missing the water after the well runs dry...

Why is it that a lot of people appreciate that which they have only after its gone? Myself included...

I wanted a bigger house yet my Baby Town house was quite lovely. I wanted a convertible Mini but nothing was wrong with my year old dual sun roof Mini. Better better better!!! More more more!!! I find myself struggling with this constantly!! I blog about it all the time. Its what I believe got us as a country in the mess we are in.

Now we find our selves missings the very same things we found so unsatisfactory in the past. Yet we still walk around complaining.
Just know that when I say we it includes me.

The reason for todays epiphany is....I have been withholding from blogging because I can't post photos from my blackberry. I have all these various good topics that involve photos that I write about in my dream book.

(Dream book:a journal I carry around and jot down ideas or tape pics from random magazines to pages, sketch ideas for my art, reminders, whateva my head can't hold but my heart desires)

Anyway back to what I was saying. I miss my laptop. I used to complain about how ordinary and cheap it was until it got sick. However I will not take for granted my blackberry! Its just simply marvelous. It may not be a PC or Mac but its still the best qwerty keypad invention! Its a phone, camera, mp3, agenda book, journal, limited handheld computer. That has games, emails , voice dialing. Plus a bunch of other features that I don't use. I'm quite sure I can use it to post pics but I probably just don't have a clue as too how.

Now granted I missed the days when the block was HOT!!! Not in the since of the Rafael Edmund days but in the days of Bill Clinton, PG County wealthy black people, real estate appreciating, WOMEN GETTING THEIR HAIR DONE WEEKLY days. Post 911, post war Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan.

I am grateful that I have what I need. He has sustain me thus far. I woke up and woke up my children PRAISE GOD. I was under a very nice roof and slept in my very nice bed PRAISE GOD. I drove in my very cute car (although it isn't easy paying for it)Praise God. And went to my good job that although slow is still maintaining me. Praise God!

So now I have a new game I want us all to play... Instead of complaining let's start focusing on the good things no matter how small. Ex: I complain about my teeth not being the way I want them to be, but instead I am grateful to have teeth which don't look bad. Or how I can't peacefully sleep because I hear the furnace all night, but instead think about dirty damp basements or even worse shelters I could be sleeping in. God is good all the time.
I know its annoying sometimes to hear it, especially when you want to have a pity party or crabby moment. But it is what it is THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH!!!!

Holla Back people!!! Peace

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Mad Artist in search of mad love!

Hello www.friends!
Happy Happy New Year!

I have been mostly in my head but I have so far managed to open a ING Orange savings account and I'm back in the gym. Now as for my love life... I'm already growing tired of internet dating. As a matter of fact its quite blah now.
I am ready for a fulfilling loving relationship. I think my cousin and her fiance' are the cutest little thing.
Sighhhh hmmm I remain hopeful.

Now on to my next dilemma...I want to be a well respected Artist! That's why I created this blog in the first place.
I purchased two large rectangular shape canvases and some heavy body level three paint.
Now here is an example of what goes on in the RichAnt's head...

•I really don't want to ruin a perfectly good canvas.
•I really want to get in a mood for painting
•I need natural sunlight
•I need a studio
•I need inspiration, where is my theme music
•I need a new computer to post pics on my blog
•why does my computer not act right
•If I sell two art pieces at $350 for a large piece every month that is overhead on a small studio in an office park.

As always these days I'm on my blackberry. This little thing does so much. I love my phone.
I love text message however how can you possibly build a friendship off of text.
Technology is wonderful but it can be very impersonal. I love the art of good conversation. I still like to write down my appointments even though I keep the same ones on my BB. Just because I like to write. I still prefer face to face meetings over web cams. Unless distance is an issue.
I often wonder if I were stranded on a Island and could still communicate via text but nothing else, would I still go crazy?
Its just certain things need to heard not read or said not texted.

Its funny because as an Artist I truly am the romantic for the older things yet can appreciate the new cutting edge stuff too.
Digital art requires just as much an imagination as well as paint brush to canvas.

I remember a movie that Sylvester Stallone played in. It was all futuristic. Everything was technical and impersonal. Even making love was a virtual simulation. Thanks to the rapid run of STD's.The human connection was lost. Art was a hologram image.

Well I am off to do my clients. Then conquer the fear of messing up on canvas. Still hopeful that love from a good man will find me.
Oh yeah I need a new Ipod so I can always be with my life's soundtrack. Right now Duffy speaks for me on every level.

Just wondering....why on earth would they make stretch jeans that stretch every where except in the waist!!!!! I am ready to scream!
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