Monday, December 22, 2008


That old pursuit of happiness never ends....
I realized that no matter what we say, we the people are never happy.
You know the whole "if I only had more money, a nicer car, a bigger house, less weight, more weight, bigger breast, smaller breast, bigger butt, smaller butt, a larger penis, flatter stomach, long hair, short hair, a husband, a wifey, a better husband , a better wifey. I mean I could go on for hours listing the things that if only we had, then we would be happy. The thing about it is we still would be in pursuit of the next thing that we claim is the vain of or happiness.
The question is when does it ever end? I know that I too am guilty of this never ending pursuit myself.
It sucks really, because right now I'm not happy I need more money, another car, two homes, a great husband, less weight, perfect teeth, and children who do everything absolutely right. And that's the condensed version.
After a great weekend I came to realized that I still was not happy. The happiness I was experiencing was only temporary. What I think can bring me happiness is all wrong.
I (like alot of people) have yet to succumb to the fact that it all resides from within. That type of pure and good JOY can only come from God himself. I can't even begin to imagine the pain he must feel to be so unappreciated. Especially by those who say they know him. Like myself....
I alot of times I am so determined to have it my way that I become my biggest problem. I get in the way of my own true happiness, joy or whatever its called these days.
Those other things are all external and if taken away...our happiness is gone. Some cases it fades away even when we have those things forever.
Don't get me wrong I know that wanting those things isn't wrong. Hell I still want those things and then some.
I am just challenging you and myself to find a true happiness from within. I know for me its continuing to nurture that personal relationship with my God. I know he will always be with me nor will he forsake me.

Now as far LOVE.....sighhhh. I am scared sh*tless of that very thing I say I want to feel and for someone to feel for me. To have that happen you have to let yourself become wide open. You have to allow yourself to become so vulnerable. Now that boys and girls is extremely horrifying to me! After Eeyore and countless others I'm a bit edgy and very drained emotionally. I'd rather have the flu for thirty days than get hurt again.
I mean this dating thing is fun because the guy buys you dinner and opens your car door. They flatter you and what girly girl wouldn't love that. The initial meetings if there is chemistry lead to second dates but to be quite honest there aren't many second dates. However I have made some cool friends. Now for the few second dates... if you are really feeling the person you go into getting to know you mode.
The strange thing is that's where I get all weired. I don't want to show too much interest because I actually do care if they aren't interested in me. Now why wouldn't they be I'm so intelligent, talented, electrifying, exciting, creative, articulate, sensitive, perceptive, beautiful and sexy. However I won't toot my horn right now.

Okay its pretty obvious that The RichAnt wants to settled down with someone who drinks my dirty bath water. I don't mean that literally for those of you into that kinda thang. However it is hard because I want this like MAN recipe that even I'm still figuring out the ingredients too. I am learning... so if you have the qualities listed below please respond lol!

The RichAnt Man Ingredients:
*OWN PLACE (one of us has too) nng
*CAN COOK (and or can afford to dine me)
*STAMINA (we can discuss more on that one later) nng
*LOVES MY CHILDREN (we are a package deal) nng
*LOVES ANIMALS (cats and dogs)

*nng means non-negotiable
That's all for now.
This list is subject to change without notice, its my prerogative.
Now Gentlemen start your engines the winner gets me and to the right one I'm willing to give it another try.

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