You know this was suppose to be a blog about life in the day of an Artist. Well I'm an artist and this is my life. However I don't think this was exactly what I intended. I was thinking something a bit more poetic. Deep sigh and now a big pause.....Okay so it is what it is now moving on. Before I had to interrupt the flow of my mojo. I was falling in love again. Yet still missing that love of a real mans touch. So I called my ex we chatted for a few days and then we hung out. It was a great evening. Except I still am hopelessly in love with him.
We will call him Eeyore. You know like the sad donkey on Winnie The Pooh. Well Eeyore is a dark, depressing, elusive and very seldom a positive man that I met two and a half years ago on match. com. And in that time of knowing him I've put myself way down low on the list of people to love. I loved him more than myself. That my friends is where the regrets come in. If you don't love your self right, how can you expect anyone else too.
It hurts to write this but in a good way. Because I know now. Hell I knew then.He was too hard to get in touch with and sooo many other things that sent red flashing lights to RUN.
Yet I just simply ignored them because he talked all the things that I wanted to hear.
Hindsight is a B@*#O% ! But hey what can you do except learn.
The nostalgia I guess is what attracted me to this man in the first place. He is handsome, smooth clear dark skin. Big sad eyes. Fresh clean haircut and thick curly hair. He always dressed nice when he wasn't in his work uniform. Oh and he smelled so good. Not to mention he was an active member of the church.
I find myself thinking back to when we were new because that was the best time of our relationship. But even then there were things that were not right or that didn't make a bit of sense. But I didn't want to nag.
All I ever wanted was to be the best woman he ever had.
The thing about that is what was he to me. I am a good woman and I deserve the very same love I was giving given to me.
It just took so much pain, time, energy, money,and lack of self worth to realize all of what I know now.
Oh but don't get me wrong old habits die hard. Especially my habit of wanting him. But I do have some new lovers to help me keep my mind off him. Mmm let me give one of them a call.